Monday, May 27, 2013

Bashert 'Meant To Be' : In Relationships, with Dogs, & Personal Financial Planning

Bashert ( meant to be ) In Relationships, with Dogs & Personal Financial Planning

Bashert, often spelled Beshert – fated - has come to mean primarily – soul mate paired to ‘reattachment’ & ‘love’ when bashert originally was defined as ‘meant to be’ with often times an element of ‘again.’

            A story – and please forgive the poetic license.

            The Chasidic Shlomo Schwartz was going into the city on the NY Transit subway, and he noticed the woman seated across from him.
            He doesn’t know why – and especially never having seen her previously – he felt affection for her.

            Yet, he didn’t introduce himself as:

  • They weren’t properly introduced which is the Chasidic way (the good reason)
  • He didn’t have the gumption (real reason number #1)
  • He didn’t have a wing man to say to her ‘do you know Shlomo’ – ala the How I Met Your Mother tv show method – ( real reason #2)

Shlomo was bothered for several days with recurring regrets of ‘should haves and if onlys ( I should have, if only I had) such while replaying that day on the subway over and over and over again while driving – he didn’t pay attention to his speed and was ticketed.
Finally, the day came for him to go to court as he wanted to contest the ticket.
All rose for the judge’s entry.
Adorned in the judge’s black robe hearing Shlomo’s case was ‘the woman on the subway.’

Shlomo didn’t beat the fine but after his sentencing he made ‘points’ with ‘the judge’ as he began his ‘courting.’

Bashert – meant to be.

            Bashert (meant to be) is not limited to human relationships.

Max, the Alpha Romeo, black standard poodle and Yaakov ‘The Balagola’ Schwartz were ‘meant to be.’

Yaakov first met Max and his brother one day outside Petco. As his former guardian wrote to Yaakov, “Max immediately recognized you, like an old friend. That very dog that was so protective of me actually went up to you to cuddle with you, if he recognized a long lost friend… I thought about that encounter for a long time because there was something surreal about Max's reaction, like love at first sight. I had never seen Max behave that way towards a stranger, ever… Too many coincidences. No good explanation really. It was meant to be, you and Max.”

A year to that day later, Max came to live with Yaakov & his standard poodles Moses and Elle.
Max  would escape his former guardian’s house if a door was open or just jump their 6’ fence and ‘have an adventure.’ In addition, despite repeated requests, Max would never sleep on the guardians’ bed.
            That very first night and for 9 years thereafter, Max would sleep with Yaakov (against his left hand side). Furthermore, Max never escaped or jumped the 6” backyard fence.
            Max was Yaakov’s Alpha Romeo dog.
            On one hand, 10 squirrels, 7 rabbits, 5 birds killed which he would bring into the house ‘to share’ and yet, on the other hand, he would daily sidle up against Yaakov and to the request of ‘hug, hug’ lower his head into his chest gently nudging him.

            Even on Max’s last day on this earth, had there had been a physical threat Yaakov, Max would have summoned his last bit of strength to revert to 5 years of age – to protect him – as The Dog In Black - judge, jury, and executioner (forget tickets and points).

            Max, Bashert – meant to be
            (One day, again, Max!)

            And Bashert (meant to be) is not limited to human and canine relationships. Discovery of bashert (meant to be) ideally can be connected to and enabled by personal financial life planning

I’ve cut so much hair, I’ve lost my concept
Warren Beatty in Shampoo

            The explicit and implicit promise of personal financial planning is the alignment of personal resources to achieve life goals and values. Ideally, personal financial planning and better yet personal financial life planning’s purpose is to heal personal financial anxiety by puttin’ money in its place to enable connection and transcendence of clients to their significance – to their bashert – (their meant to be – their Why I Am.)

 (do not) place a stumbling block before the blind
Leviticus 19:14

(nor to those to whom you owe ‘substitute reliance’)
Yaakov, The Balagola

            Yet, systemically, regardless of compensation method, fiduciary declarations ‘real or airbrushed’, personal financial planning, AND (as generally practiced) personal financial life planning has succumbed to the overarching ephemeral seduction of ‘more’ which is never ‘enough.’
            More, more, more, despite protestations to the contrary, trumps, body (and soul) slams, and supersedes aligning personal resources and life goals and values let alone enabling clients’ transcendence and connection to their significance – their bashert – their meant to be.
And ironically, more, better now becomes all too often less, worse and later as more is never enough.
            Being a MORE-on is detrimental not only to one’s fiscal and physical health but also spiritually crowding out and contraindicating to bashert (meant to be)

            The derivative fiscal symptoms of ‘more is never enough’ (besides ‘if onlys,’ external blaming, and or internal recriminations):

  • focusing on which one /what kind (stock, bond, sector etf etc)
  • external relative comparison to indexes (Dow Jones, S&P) rather than goals
  • in sum, managing assets instead of managing goals.

            Without excusing MOREon personal financial planning and personal financial life planning’s useful idiot co-conspirator role, more is cultural. More ‘temporarily’ externally validates by comparison those who have ‘more’ (as if they are right, better, good, and relatively more worthy and worthwhile). This external more validation is reinforced by the duality of not having more meaning one is (without enunciation though a wink) less, worse, bad and not as worthwhile.
            Driven, overarching More, More, More drowns out the voice, the space for, and discovery of bashert(s) (meant to be) in comparison and fear.


We are not able to go up against the people (the Canaanites) for they are stronger than we
Numbers 13:31

Stronger than we is also translated ‘stronger than HIM’
Sotah 35a

            According to some there are 100+ names or relationships to God. In particular, the meaning of Shaddai in Hebrew according to Rabbi Twerski is ‘God, God Almighty, God All Sufficient, enough.
             There is no name for God that means ‘more.’


            At best, the ENOUGH(SM) approach to personal financial life planning – may – at best remove or at worst move to the curb a few stumbling blocks thus creating space for ‘what is meant to be’ (bashert). (1) The point is there is no space – only stumbling blocks to one’s bashert – meant to be (mission, purpose etc in this context) given the overarching driver of more, more, more.

            More, more, more suffocates bashert
Dogs create space for bashert.
As far as soul mate bashert –  drive within the speed limits (so sayeth Yaakov, The Balagola)


(1) For more info on the ENOUGH(SM) approach ((and in particular, the Personal Prospectus tool)) see my books by the same title (out of print put probably available for $1 of less) and or go to the blog: www.healingfinancialanxiety.blogspot.) Forthcoming over next few months shall be another ebook/tool: The Soul Resume©: Judaic Version – subtitled - Why Should I Be Admitted To Olam Haba (World To Come/Heaven)! (A question mark is probably more appropo!)

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